Note to Self II

Dear Self:

You are on the precipice of turning 26 aka entering your late 20s aka closer to 30 than 20 aka cue the quarter life crisis. You are a mere two years away from your 10-year high school reunion and 4 years beyond those glory filled college days. Time to get excited about your own healthcare plan amirite?

In that time you've also left an exciting albeit stressful job to pursue your dream of helping people on the fringe of society, hiked the soaring peaks of the Sacred Valley with your adventure partner, braved the strange and sweaty land of Coachella, scuba dived with sea turtles and windsurfed with strangers, danced on docks, found and fully embraced new family, held a koala in your best friend's home land, walked and drank your way across Spain (with the encouragement and patience of some awesome people), celebrated the marriages of old friends, managed to get a car stuck in a riverbed, performed stand-up, helped your Wisconsite share his culture, walked and rode camels like an Egyptian, held an incredible child who is a living miracle, and everything in between.

The point is this: the future remains uncomfortably unknown, our giant floating ball of gas and water continues to spin, and the sometimes crushing anxiety does not write your story. 

Fellow humans will continue to judge, unrealistically expect, and misunderstand. They will also support, encourage, and listen. The light will shine through the dark. The bad will enhance the good. The wins will soften the losses. The laughter will make the unanswered questions disappear. The dancing will pave the way.

Don't let your fear of tomorrow ruin today. You're either "now here" or you're "no where."

Love,
25-year-old You



P.S. When all else fails, cuddle a hedgehog.

Note to Self

Dear Self:

It's been almost a year since you graduated college.  In that short time you've had two different jobs, been in a wedding (shout out to the Dudrow's), traveled to Europe and become a mother.  A whirlwind to say the least...a lot can change in 365 days and time is certainly not slowing down.

Departing Neverland and entering the murky waters of adulthood is no easy task but you came out with minor scrapes and gained epic battle scars.  You, along with most other 20-something, are living proof that growing up isn't as bad as Peter Pan anticipated.

Isn't that just it?  Anticipation.  A prior action that takes into account or forestalls a later action; the act of looking forward.  You're somewhat of a professional anticipator, a highly respectable skill.  However, being crippled by the fear of the unforeseen is as exhausting as it is useless.  Trying to figure out the outcome of any and all situations diminishes life's glorious unpredictability, further manifesting the dark, merciless fear.  

To quote wise-beyond-his-years Christopher Robin, “you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."  Face doubt, anxiety, unease and all their greedy cohorts with your most powerful weapon: your heart.  It holds your deepest truths and will never lead you astray.  Your head is also useful but proceed with caution, for it is much easier to get lost in its winding labyrinth of thoughts.

Trust the people who know you from the inside out; you are never alone in this journey.
Trust yourself; you're more rare and majestic than a unicorn. 
Trust the unknown; it has brought you many gifts thus far.


Love,
22-year-old You



P.S. When all else fails, engage in a spontaneous dance party.

Human Billboards & Sundance Night #1

My endeavor to complete a month-long writing challenge was a flop.  Anytime I feel obligated or am required to complete a task (i.e. homework) my initial pep quickly dissipates; which either speaks to my spontaneous creativity or lack of discipline.  Oh well.  Life goes on.

Today a co-worker and I got into a discussion about human billboards. You know, the (sad) people in faded Lady Liberty costumes twirling signs outside of decrepit strip malls. 

Our conversation sparked my intrigue, so naturally I turned to the Internets. According to Wikipedia: The practice began in 19th century London, where advertising posters became a subject to a tax and competition for wall space became fierce.  Besides holding signs, some human billboards would wear sandwich boards.  Charles Dickens described these advertisers as "a piece of human flesh between two slices of past board."  Ew.

And there you have it.  The efficacy of human billboards isn't concrete but it is guaranteed to brighten your day. 

In other news, last night marked our first film of Sundance 2016!

SFF 2016 crew! So excited I forgot to open my eyes.

Director Rob Burnett, pre-screening

"The Fundamentals of Caring"

Having suffered a tragedy, Ben becomes a caregiver to earn money.  His first client, Trevor, is a hilarious 18-year-old with muscular dystrophy.  One paralyzed emotionally, one paralyzed physically, Ben and Trevor hit the road on a trip into the western states.  The folks they collect along the way will help them test their skills for surviving outside their calculated existence.  Together, they come to understand the importance of hope and the necessity of true friendship.

http://www.sundance.org/projects/the-fundamentals-of-caring

Funny.  Honest.  Complex.  Heartfelt.  Inappropriate.  Inspiring.  Original.

Q&A with Director Rob Burnett & Actress Megan Ferguson 

Out of the unpredictable cornucopia of Sundance films, I definitely recommend seeing "The Fundamentals of Caring."

Nanowrimo: Day 4

The Fears Within

4. So many fears. So little time. I fear the unknown. The future. Not being in control. Making the "wrong" decision. Disappointing myself and others. Not living my truth. Losing the people I love. Losing myself. Being consumed by my thoughts. Never being enough. Not being able to work through my fears.

Nanowrimo: Day 3

Last Night

3.  Last night, I took Devon to the airport and third-wheeled a date with my favorite couple: Ana and Nick.  We ate an unhealthy amount of fried food and went to a private screening (sah fancy) of Mockingjay - Part 2.  Post film, we ate delicious chocolate covered caramels on Ana's bed and I fell asleep before 11PM.  A successful night in my book.      

Nanowrimo: Day 2

Your Reality

2. My reality is that I'm blessed.  I was born in a country where I'm free to express my beliefs, live my truth and follow my dreams; born into a family who (among countless other things) has and continues to love, support, challenge, reassure and teach me.  My friends are loyal, genuine, thoughtful, hilarious, quirky, uplifting, honest and most of all consistent.  My boyfriend and adventure partner reminds me of the most precious thing in life: the present.  He loves me at my best and at my worst, a characteristic that is hard to come by.  I have a college degree, am in good health, receive a steady paycheck, have a roof over my head, food in my pantry, clothes on my back, means of transportation and many other little luxuries.  I've traveled to 3 continents, 8 countries and more than 20 states.  This is my reality.   

Nanowrimo: Day 1

A Dream

1.  I recently had a dream that Devon, Nick, Ana and myself were on the Titanic.  Unfortunately it was after all the fancy dinners and love affairs...the ship was quickly filling up with water.  Ana and I ran to the top deck to find our other (male) halves; as soon as I reached Devon we embraced, kissed and were swept away into the ocean together.  I distinctly remember feeling completely at peace once I was in his arms, even though certain death awaited us.  As for Ana and Nick?  I guess we'll never know.

Being the over-analyzer that I am, I looked up "sinking ships" dream meaning on the trustworthy internet.  Here is what Dream Moods had to say :
"To see a ship in your dream denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and subconscious. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state.  To dream that a ship has crashed or sunk suggests that you are feeling emotionally out of control.  You are expressing some fear or uncertainty within your emotional state."


Well, I recently started a new job.  A big change like that can certainly cause some uncertainty and emotional turmoil.