Nanowrimo: Day 4

The Fears Within

4. So many fears. So little time. I fear the unknown. The future. Not being in control. Making the "wrong" decision. Disappointing myself and others. Not living my truth. Losing the people I love. Losing myself. Being consumed by my thoughts. Never being enough. Not being able to work through my fears.

Nanowrimo: Day 3

Last Night

3.  Last night, I took Devon to the airport and third-wheeled a date with my favorite couple: Ana and Nick.  We ate an unhealthy amount of fried food and went to a private screening (sah fancy) of Mockingjay - Part 2.  Post film, we ate delicious chocolate covered caramels on Ana's bed and I fell asleep before 11PM.  A successful night in my book.      

Nanowrimo: Day 2

Your Reality

2. My reality is that I'm blessed.  I was born in a country where I'm free to express my beliefs, live my truth and follow my dreams; born into a family who (among countless other things) has and continues to love, support, challenge, reassure and teach me.  My friends are loyal, genuine, thoughtful, hilarious, quirky, uplifting, honest and most of all consistent.  My boyfriend and adventure partner reminds me of the most precious thing in life: the present.  He loves me at my best and at my worst, a characteristic that is hard to come by.  I have a college degree, am in good health, receive a steady paycheck, have a roof over my head, food in my pantry, clothes on my back, means of transportation and many other little luxuries.  I've traveled to 3 continents, 8 countries and more than 20 states.  This is my reality.   

Nanowrimo: Day 1

A Dream

1.  I recently had a dream that Devon, Nick, Ana and myself were on the Titanic.  Unfortunately it was after all the fancy dinners and love affairs...the ship was quickly filling up with water.  Ana and I ran to the top deck to find our other (male) halves; as soon as I reached Devon we embraced, kissed and were swept away into the ocean together.  I distinctly remember feeling completely at peace once I was in his arms, even though certain death awaited us.  As for Ana and Nick?  I guess we'll never know.

Being the over-analyzer that I am, I looked up "sinking ships" dream meaning on the trustworthy internet.  Here is what Dream Moods had to say :
"To see a ship in your dream denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and subconscious. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state.  To dream that a ship has crashed or sunk suggests that you are feeling emotionally out of control.  You are expressing some fear or uncertainty within your emotional state."


Well, I recently started a new job.  A big change like that can certainly cause some uncertainty and emotional turmoil.

Nanowrimo: the art of keeping the novel alive & inspiring creativity’s spark.

After reading my lovely friend Ana's blog, I was inspired to partake in this writing challenge from http://blog.freepeople.com/2015/11/nanowrimo-30-day-writing-challenge/.
Intended for the month of November...better late than never, right?

...and now the moment we've been waiting for.

"Congrats!"  

"You did it!"

"Enjoy it while you can, it's the best time of your life."

"I wish I could go back." 

"What do you want to do afterwards?"

These, and many others, are questions that have recently permeated my structured, comfortable bubble.  Adulthood lingers over me like smog does to Salt Lake.  Unfortunately I don't think taking shorter showers and carpooling is going to make my transition into the real world any easier.  Am I excited for no more pointless memorization and boring lectures?  Well duh.  But does college beat the alternative?  The reactions and advice I've received from some people make me wonder whether I should take up another degree, move back into the dorms, roll around in student debt and avoid growing up altogether.  As appealing as reliving my freshman year sounds, I'd rather stumble into the abyss of uncertainty...at least it'll be something new.  

Up until now my life has been mapped out.  Knowing the outcome of my future and the consequences of my decisions gives my inner control aficionado a sense of peace.  Because nothing is more fun than planning every single detail of your life, right?  Wrong.  In my 21 years of experience, the best and most memorable moments just happen.  Naturally.  Spontaneously.  Without orchestration.  I like to think the universe has much bigger things to worry about than my lack of happy-go-lucky-ness but do trust that the universe has my back and that everything falls into place. The art of letting go is very hard for anxiety-ridden people like me but I'm grateful for those in my life who help me realize it's all gonna work out; most of the time by inducing gut-wrenching laughter. 

In 13 days I will dress like a Hogwart's professor and receive a piece of paper that declares my worth. It's a good thing I can crack a joke and literally dance like no one is watching, otherwise strangers might think a "B.S. in Communications" is my sole defining quality.  If college taught me anything, it's that I am worth so much more than that piece of paper.  I am a colorful combination of the people around me.  I am a lover of naps and deep conversations.  I am a product of my selfless mother and ambitious father.  I am loyal to few but kind to all.  I am easily distracted.  I am emotionally invested. I am an ever-changing human, creating myself day by day.  

Cheers to the ups and the downs.

Cheers to the unknown.

Cheers to love.

Cheers to a beautiful world.

Cheers to the winsome uncertainty of life.